Updated: Feb 27
“When you accept that the paradigm can break at any moment, only then are you ready for the now.”
With my eyes closed, listening to the meditative voice of the monk as it echoes in the temple: “Breathe in”. Despite of the fact that my eyes remain closed, they seem to inwardly open in many directions inside my mind. The number of details, people, memories, things I forgot about and things I am reminding myself of seem to be ridiculously enormous. “Breathe out” I breathe letting some of my entangled thoughts out.
For some unknown reason, with the 4th time the monk guided us through the breathing order, tears started falling down my cheeks. The order “Breathe” turned out to be the kindest thing I have heard or chosen to listen to for such a long time. As tears came down un-apologetically. I asked myself, why am I crying? – All I know that the answer was cruelty! Yes, I felt I have been so cruel to myself, with all that running around carrying a bag of limiting beliefs, unresolved emotions, fears, anxiety and hiding in being there for others to subconsciously forget about myself or exempt myself from the inner work I needed to do. Not only owls are good with camouflage!
There were uncontrollable tears coming down from a confident place deep inside me that was hiding, in a way it felt like a loyal soul guardian protecting my true essence; waiting for me to connect with it so it can pin me down to a moment where it knew I would be finally listening to tell me all the things I needed to listen to. Later on, I was re-introduced to this sound as my inner child, where all the wisdom I need exists in abundance.
This moment marks the first silence retreat I decided to go to in 2006, whilst I was settled in the South East of England. I would have embarked on a life long journey of commitment to learning; starting off with my second post graduate qualification in coaching. Graduating in 2007 and launching my practice in Hampstead, London in the same year.
I have always had a passion for being there for human beings, understanding them and supporting them with what I could. I was born with a thirst to nurture living things. When I first started writing at the age of 13, I realised that human beings are one of the most sophisticated creations on earth. The same conclusion that led me to study coaching and human psyche after graduating with a major in Economics I also realised that If I want to leave anything behind in the world, it better be a human being’s heart smiling. I took the road less travelled.
The idea of studying coaching was sparked by a post-despair moment in 2002 after a successful launch event that I oragnised for an international project in the MENA region. Late on site at 12 am after the event has ended; I was there listening the sound of the shredder as it deletes time that I have invested pouring my heart and time on strategies that became obsolete. And for a moment there, I froze! Horrified by the idea that this is it! For a moment I felt my life is being shredded too and that was scary. Possibly the first panic attack I had, only then I didn’t call it so. All I knew at that moment were two things; If I am ever going to make a lasting impact, it would be to make a human being’s smile and if I want to make that happen then I need to seriously understand how do human beings work! It was the Eureka moment.
From that realisation the journey unraveled to reach a moment where I decided to understand magic within us and the divine. I started a journey of learning that concludes to date; studying coaching, filmmaking, Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy (CBT), positive and transpersonal psychology, drama therapy, art therapy, practical philosophy, mindfulness, meditation and currently integrative nutrition and health coaching. When I founded my practice I also started shaping the future of a long journey of not only healing others while maturing with what does my practice mean to me at different stages in my life, moreover and mostly learning about myself and its inner journey of healing.
Besides the fact that almost the entire world is witnessing an unprecedented times in history staying home due to a pandemic; I have tried hundreds of time to create a website for my practice, the result is I always found it hard to finish it, and at times when it was finished I hardly promoted it. Staying at home meant slowing down again and taking time to breathe in and breathe out, cleansing, filtering, processing, re-building, and charging again for a new beginning where things are clearer and better. That is my hope and what I aim to work for.
It is the first time since ages that I have been given a guilt free ride to relax and though proven hard to start with due to a collective moment of traumatic stress and global uncertainty. I realised I have also been on a “fight or flight” state that was exhausting my sympathetic nervous system and depleting my energy and my magic box of tricks to overcome challenges with inner abundance. This stopped me from transcending and creating circles of light around me as I wanted. Since 2014, the same year that Dad died, my life was like a stormy sea with limited intervals of stillness and calm. Alas, “a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor”.
There is nothing left for me now but to write; in the shadow of an unprecedented global challenge, a universe reclaiming its right to heal and a collective transformation moment in the consciousness of humanity. Our lives have just dramatically changed. Humanity’s fate has been altered and no one can jump boat. With a dauntless heart, I pray for the best to come despite of all odds. That is how it has always worked. Held in the power of universal silence I was finally able to remember that if I am going to continue to honour my core values, it will have to come from my own true essence, my authenticity, my intuitive abundance, my inner journey and personal experience. I can only process this life from my own personal experience.
I am not here to promote or market. I am not here to tell people what to do. I am not here to sell pre-packaged solutions or off the shelf placebo effect. I am here to be real and personal. I am here to enhance the quality of my own experience in life and consequently be able to do the same for others around me. I am here to fulfill my passions. I am here to write about my personal journey. I am here to share with you my journey as it was in the hope that it would inspire others, and with the belief that the best form of healing was always inspired by storytelling. So here it is to the inspiration of “once upon a time” and the power of a “semi-colon” that invites us to keep on going and trusting the universe has got our back!